I hate this month, I hate the start of Spring, unlike most people in this country. I know its all about warmer weather, lighter days but for me it symbolizes one thing, 'Sadness'.
Yet again I am consumed with emotion, the heart break of yet another year with out Lola, it will be 9 years on 22nd that she was taken so suddenly and life as I new it would never be the same .
Her Sister's continue to grow and blossom and yet I am forever wondering which one of them she might look like now. Her cousins' and friends have all Started secondary school which I know nothing about.
All that time gone and I am left in limbo, Angry, Curious, Heart Broken basically every emotion I had back then, it doesn't change, you just learn to wear it better, it becomes part of 'The New You' - that person you have become now born out of grief not the person you were before.... My God, who was that person? I wish I could meet her again, go back through time and tell her,
"Slow down, take time out and Appreciate Every Single moment with those you love because one day....." .
So today I hate March, I hate Spring, I hate Cancer, I hate Brain Tumours, I Hate Death.......
But Grief, well this is part of who I am now. It is always present and always necessary we have become old friends that are reliant on each other for survival.