Lola's story 5 www.giftsforangels.co.uk

We had just  been told that our precious daughter had a brain tumour, I had completely gone to pieces. We were then shown into a tiny room to make the necessary phone calls etc and it was at this point that John completely broke down... He fell to the floor with his head in his hands this is when I came to understand the  term "inner strength"!.... I was now kneeling in front of him, telling him that everything was going to be alright, and that these days surgeons could do anything. I was holding it together as John and my sister sobbed. I remember vaguely ringing my mum and dad who were is Spain on holiday, explaining to them and reassuring them that everything was going to be fine.
"Pray for her," I said pulling on my some what distant faith.
Lola and I were then in an ambulance on our way to "Kings College Hospital" in London. Only one of us could go in the ambulance. I sat in there, flashing lights,sirens and all, my Perfect little Girl laying next to me, unaware and helpless, I don't no what I was thinking or feeling it was a mixture of terror, disbelief, shock and desperation. How could this be happening to me ? A question I used to ask a lot, why me ?
We arrived in London in no time at all, there were people there waiting to greet us & we were rushed up to the "Mount Batten" ward on the 10th floor. I remember there were other children in this ward with their parents. After they had finished plugging & hooking My Lola in to various machines I sat next to her stroking her hair and whispering into her ear her favourite story " Goldilocks and the three Bears". After I finished I could hear her little voice in my head saying
"Again, again Mummy".... Like she always use to.
I then sang her the song I had been signing to her since she was born, "You are My Sunshine"...
As I got to the last line of this song the tears started to fall as I slowly sung the last few words......

"please don't take my Sunshine away"..... I have never been able to sing this song again.http://www.giftsforangels.co.uk

Lola's story - 4 www.giftsforangels.co.uk

So we were still in accident and emergency at Worthing hospital, by this stage I was clearly in shock and utter disbelief that it had now been some time and yet these professionals were still non the wiser into what was wrong with My Baby.... They had called over a pediatric Dr from the main hospital they had cut off her old H&M top and she now had even more machines around her. There was a mention at this stage of "Menengitis" to the brain, which sent me into a mad panic and I broke down on the phone to my Sister-in-law, "Tracey".... Who was on her way to collect Ava for me. I remember   Her taking Ava and me just telling her to ring around and let the family know. We were then moved into a tiny room somewhere upstairs and here we were left alone just John myself & our Gorgeous Little Girl.... It can't have been long, but I remember the silence as we sat either side of her ... There were no words to exchange, we were both just trying to comprehend the last few hours, how did we get here? So helpless to the fate off our first born baby? Drs & nurses came and went giving us the snippets of information they could, but it was quite clear they were still unsure. My sister, "Francoise" had arrived by this point in tears of worry and so now there were three of us here in silence... The pediatric Dr came back and explained that they were still unsure, and that we would have to go to London, but first they wanted to give Lola a brain scan. As they prepped her to be moved  my mind was blank, I held her hand as she was wheeled down corridors and into the room where the scan was to take place. We were asked to wait outside and it seemed like hours but in reality it must have been more like 20-30 minutes. When the doors eventually opened I looked straight at the Person in charge. He was standing at the head of Lola's bed and my eyes met his, I could feel the desperation of my stare. He looked away..... This spoke volumes to me and I couldn't help but ask,
"Well was everything ok?".....
" We'll speak upstairs," Was the response, his eyes fixed on the floor.
This terrified me, and I new then that there was a major problem, but nothing was to prepare me for the next sentence....

"Lola, has a very large brain tumour covering the right side of her brain".

I wish I could describe to you the strength at which these words hit me, but that would be impossible. I  was sitting down yet I felt like I was falling uncontrollably . My heart stopped and the tears started
streaming, I felt like I was screaming or trying to but http://www.giftsforangels.co.uknothing would come out. I could feel John's arms holding me tight as if to keep my body together.... I was falling apart....... My life was never going to be the same again.....

Lola's story 3 www.giftsforangels.co.uk

http://www.giftsforangels.co.ukI do apologise for the late blog post this week, but we have been experiencing Internet connection problems.
I left off last week ranting on a bit about the last GP visit which took place on Monday 20th March 2006. The rest of the day Lola slept a lot, and occasionally complained of a head ache, this was put down to the lack of fluids and dehydration. John got home from work that evening and carried Lola up to our bed to watch a "Pepper Pig" DVD, which she was thrilled about, but soon fell asleep. Lola remained in our bed that night and it must have been the early hours of the morning when she suddenly became full of life! Jumping around singing and making siren noises! I presumed she was better and now wide awake as she had had too much sleep. So, and I hate myself for this next bit - but I got very cross with her and insisted she go back to sleep because, Mummy was very tired still. John took her into the spare room, and although she was still demanding "Mummy" , he managed to get her to sleep eventually. I went happily back into a deep, deep slumber thinking that all was well with my world.
As he had such a late night John decided to stay off work the next day. Lola was on the sofa eating a boiled egg, (the first thing she had eaten in ages) Ava was crawling around on the floor in front of us. "Noddy" had just finished on cebeebies and I was doing an impression of "Policeman Plod", who for those of you that don't know he raises one arm in front of him and says in a very large booming voice, "STOP in the name of PLOD", Lola copied me still from her sofa position and it made me laugh. John and I looked at our little girls with total ore,
"How lucky we are to have such healthy, perfect children" he said and I couldn't have agreed more as I sat next to Lola and gave her a little squeeze. Within minutes her eyes looked glazed and fixed, and her tiny little hands had started to tremble, very gently. I called over to John,
"This looks like a fit," I said very calmly. John jumped up and said that we were going straight to the hospital he rushed up to get dressed while I stayed with Lola, who was not responding to me, her eyes still fixed on one point. John placed her in my arms in the car, where she closed her eyes and I held her tightly. I remember the car ride very clearly,I was calm and positive, she was fine it really wasn't anything major. I know that might sound mad to another Parent reading this, but I was always the optimist and still very much on the mindset of "It won't happen to me!"
We got to Worthing hospital, Lola was still asleep and John carried her in his arms while I carried Ava. We were seen immediately, they kept trying to wake her, but she did not respond, but when they were putting her on various machines and injecting her I could see her tense with pain, so she was awake just not fully. They asked me to have a go and I remember saying,
"Ooh look Lola, Fifi is here.... and Mummy's going to buy you the wiggles guitar, if you wake up now"... nothing, then John tried, he used a very different tactic.
"Now Lola, Daddy will get angry with you, come on now" he said in his angry voice, this caused more of a reaction than my approach, just like with the injections you could see her move a little in response but she still did not wake up fully. Every now and then instead of the gentle tremor she had at home, her body would tense up and slightly twist to one side. The hospital staff confirmed it was in fact a seizure but they still did not know what was causing it. At this point, my still positive, naive or maybe even stupid mind was calm... I even thought if its epilepsy, that's OK it wont hold her back, she won't be able to become a flight attendant!
"Flight attendant...." what the hell was I on?.... I am telling you the truth, you just never expect anything bad to happen to you, especially not your children! I had no great aspiration for my child to become a flight attendant and yet here she was lying in a hospital bed hooked up to every machine you could think off with Doctors, nurses rushing around her and I'm thinking about what career choice she may or my not have!!!!!!

Lola's story, 2 www.giftsforangels.co.uk

Lola was 2years 8moths old and Ava was now 11months.It was a bright Saturday morning in March and the girls were in their play room drinking their milk. I gave Lola a cuddle, and she promptly through up right down the back of my dressing gown!
"Sorry Mummy", she said..... I picked her up reassuring her that it was all ok. She seemed fine in herself at this point. She did not have a temperature but was very tired. She didn't eat all day, and just had little bits to drink, by the evening I called the Dr, who reassured me it was most likely a tummy bug and that there was a lot going round and just to let her have plenty of rest and push fluids. Sunday morning came and she seemed a little brighter, but still not her usual bubbly self, John asked if she wanted to go to the park and that seemed to perk her up. I got her ready to go and she was sick again, but she insisted on going with her Daddy to the park and they had a lovely time although John knew she was not herself. The next morning she was complaining that her head hurt, she still had not eaten and so I called the Dr and demanded a home visit. The Dr arrived and after checking her over for about 3miniutes (if that)  gave his diagnosis,
"Tummy bug, little one will get it next", he said as he smiled at Ava in my arms, and that was that. I stupidly never thought to question him. This brings me to a question for all you reading this, how many times do you take yourself, your kids, parents to the Doctor and ever question what they say? after all they are only human? do you think its possible for a Dr to be rubbish at his job? why not? there are some people that take great pride in there jobs and do what ever it is they do to the best of their ability, and then there are those who will always do the minimum require because they just can't be bothered! or maybe its just that they have become complacent in there work? My Doctor was nice, did he really take his time examining "Lola".... No, if he had would he have noticed her tumour? may be, may be not and if so would she be here now? its very unlikely but we will never know the true answer to that question. I think its very easy to get caught up in life, and just simply forget that these people we go to regularly are GPs - GENERAL practitioner's, they can not possible know everything, you have to have a little faith in yourself and your instincts, do not be afraid to asked to be referred to a specialist. I am not against GPs at all, but please don't be afraid to question them.

Lola with her Grandpa , my Dad. xxhttp://www.giftsforangels.co.uk

Lola's story, 1 www.giftsforangels.co.uk

Lola was born on 14th July 2003, she was  healthy and well and as she was delivered by Cesarean section, was held up to me briefly before being handed over to her very nervous but totally in ore Daddy. It was a hard transition for me at first but John was such a natural and she loved by everyone. My best friend had her son, Harry a month before and also Keira  , Lola's cousin was born the same year. Life was good, yes like most young couples starting out money was tight but we managed to buy our first house with help from my parents and we soon decided to have another baby.... well John decided I was not at all sure after all Lola was just 1year old. Anyway we went for it and our 2nd daughter Ava was born in April 2005, Lola was just 21mths and loved her little sister totally. There was no jealousy, or tantrums she was such a lovely natured little girls that she was just happy. Lola was very advanced in all that she did strangely, she would recite and remember nursery rhymes easily and was so advanced in her speech even the Health Visitors were impressed.She had a high forhead and my Dad used to say..... "She's got a good brain in there"......
http://www.giftsforangels.co.uk

Gifts for angels - Lola's story

Hello All, it has been nearly 7 years since my daughter, Lola, passed away... And as I set up "Gifts for Angels" in her memory I thought it was about time I told her story to the world. Over the next few weeks I will attempt to relay to you the "Wonder" that was my Lola and thoses fateful days in March when we lost her ..... In doing so I wish not only to honor her memory but raise awareness of Brain Tumours and the devastation they cause. http://www.giftsforangels.co.uk sadly I am not the only parent out there that has lost a child and talking or reading about other people's experiences can help so please feel free to forward onto anyone you may know that is struggling with their own grief.
Thank you, Michelle x

Valentines Gifts at www.giftsforangels.co.uk

Valentines heart Grave side ornament, memorial gifts, for those we have loved & lost, available at www.giftsforangels.co.uk , for all UK deliveries please allow 2-3 working days.http://www.giftsforangels.co.uk